If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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