So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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