Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
