I accidentally burped into my bong.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
