apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
My ATM looks so different sober.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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