When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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