I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
