I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My first STD was from a foam party
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
