oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
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Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
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yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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