dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
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I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
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No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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