I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
