I wannas sexs uuuuu
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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