i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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