worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
its liver damage thursday
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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