Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
