just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
