I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just google imaged poop.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
