I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Found the puke drawer
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
