I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
