Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
there was a trapeze. enough said
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
