he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
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She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
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Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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