I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
