i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
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But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
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Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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