Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
