she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
