When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
