i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
