hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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