The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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