normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
