After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
