You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We are two peas in an std pod
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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