We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
