Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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