Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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