Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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