Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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