I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize