508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize