I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
