why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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