Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
