ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
