you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize