Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
