Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
