Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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