why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
