her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
