bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
