On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
