I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
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We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
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Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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