I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I know her cup size but not her name....
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
