I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
it's great music for shaving your balls
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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