Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
