i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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