i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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