I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
