My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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