Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize