There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
