did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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