Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
