Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
