At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
